All I can say is HELP!

I am on the Autism Spectrum and have a provisional diagnosis of PTSD. I have experienced all kinds of trauma. I have never been taught how to manage boundary setting. I need healthy boundaries. But being on the Autism Spectrum, and struggling with PTSD, and having experienced all kinds of trauma I will struggle to set these boundaries in a way that others can understand. Perhaps they do understand and believe it is a ridiculous boundary because they can’t quite understand how violating my boundaries are hurtful and harmful to me. Perhaps they just don’t understand what the problem is. I can’t know for sure if they shut down all my attempts to express my boundaries.

The Struggle is Real

There are support groups out there for people with Autism and for those who struggle with PTSD. There are support groups for people who are trying to support their loved ones going through PTSD or struggling with Autism related difficulties. The Social challenges faced by people on the Spectrum and people struggling with PTSD need for their family to have a level of compassion, empathy, and understanding and exercise the often challenging skill of active listening. I can’t force people to be willing to learn and exercise these skills. I can’t force people to understand how their behaviour might negatively impact me. I can’t force people to change their behaviour directed towards me but I can change what I expose myself to.

The Challenges of one with Autism

• Communication Differences
• Sensory Sensitivities
• Social Understanding
• Inability to adapt in some situations
• Co-Occurring conditions; Anxiety, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, PTSD

Support is critical and yet support in managing and understanding my boundaries is not present. It is however, crucial in my healing and recovery from PTSD. I sit here SCREAMING to please just try and understand me and love me enough to be willing to help me move beyond what triggers a trauma response that at the worst of times I have no control over because of PTSD.

PTSD and Boundary Setting

For someone with PTSD, expressing boundaries can be incredibly challenging due to the complex interplay of trauma-related symptoms and their impact on social and emotional functioning.

Some but not all symptoms include:

• Increased sensitivity to perceived threats
• Emotional Dysregulation
• Startle Response
• Social Withdrawl
• Emotional Numbing
• Difficulty with memory and concentration
• Negative thought patterns
• Powerlessness and vulnerability
• Shame and Guilt
• Distrust

Some may say to just stop the symptoms. Change it. And all I can do is when I come back to reality to face the aftermath of an emotionally dysregulated episode and apologize. When there is support in this area the person with the loved one struggling with PTSD symptoms could further support that individual by asking them what is helpful towards healing and moving beyond this trauma.

What a concept it is, to ask the person struggling what they need and how best they can be helped. What a concept it is to just sit with the person in their pain but most don’t have the capacity for that. It is uncomfortable to just sit with the hurting and the “broken” and try to understand the barriers they are faced with in their healing and recovery. We want to fix those we love but often times we are too close to those with whom we love and want to fix. And it isn’t even our place to “fix” the person we love but if we learn to just listen to the one hurting and struggling maybe, just maybe we can build a more supportive environment. The alternative is broken relationships, hurt feelings all around, and increased grief and loss, and it doesn’t have to be that way.