There are people who wonder why I share what I do. They believe it’s taking a negative slant on things. I don’t believe it is. I believe those who have issues with what I share are themselves negative because they are the one’s who interpreted what I have shared through a negeative lens and were unwilling to actually look within themselves with openess and honesty.

Secrecy has been slowly eating away at me like a cancer. It is the very thing that has fueled suicidal ideation. Stepping away from secracy, sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly, has been my saving grace. This might be uncomfortable for some to hear or read, but if I want to live, this is what I have to do. This is one main reason why I choose to face my own struggles with mental health, PTSD, and suicidal ideation head-on. Reach out for help they say. Well I say, we as a society need to listen more so that we can hear the cry for help when that day comes. I am so grateful for those who were present and who listened without judgement or criticism. You have been my lifeline.

I also know that my story is no different from what others have experienced and believe you me, in a world where most around don’t understand it’s helpful to find those who do. Trauma has a way of redefining relationships and friendships. Those who love us will not only want the best for us, they will also seek to understand instead of placing up peramiters on what is acceptable or not for them in our own personal healing path. They can’t live my life for me and if they can’t live my life for me then get out of my way so that I can live. Since my accident I have learned that I really must do what is right for me regardless if how I process is different or what I choose is not understood. If the trauma I have experienced and how that trauma has impacted my life is not understood it only stands to reason that the choices I make for my own recovery is not understood. And that’s OK!

Some people would much rather isolate, hide away, and live in secracy. What I have learned since my accident and since my sisters passing, is that we all process trauma and grief vastly different and we must create space for one another in our grief and the trauma we experience. It’s not love to say we must grief one way and only one way. It’s not love to look at someone facing trauma and say “get over yourself” Sad reality is, that is some of the criticism I have received since my accident. It’s easy to make assumptions and criticise from afar. There is also this “double empathy” problem where two people can literally be like two ships passing in the night and neither know the other is even there because the wires of communication has been severed. This is part in parcel what recovery looks like. As I sit in support groups I am amazed at how similar our stories are and this is what continues to inspire me to keep writing. We are comforted when we know there is someone out there who truly understands. The other day I was lamenting at how so few understand what it is to struggle with PTSD. When the other person said, “Well, Veteran here, I understand” Different battles, different war zone, but there is understanding. I let out a sigh of relief because for a moment I didn’t feel so alone.

A Successful WorkSafeBC Appeal – PTSD Assessment

I now start a WorkSafe appointed PTSD treatment. This has been delayed treatment and so it feels like this PTSD might end up more of a chronic situation but maybe it won’t. I don’t know. I just know that I am on the road to recovery.

I have one Psychologist who said, Anxiety Disorder, Somatic Symptom Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder. WorkSafe Psychologists says they believe all of these symptoms correlate with a PTSD diagnosis. WorkSafe’s Psychologist also mentioned that there are indicators for Personality Disorder or Schizophrenia but can’t say one way or another as there was not enough information to make a determination. I also believe there is a possibility of ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder or otherwise AuDHD. Interestingly enough as is, before people understood much about Autism Spectrum Disorder, children with Autism used to be diagnosed with Early Onset Childhood Schizophrenia. Needless to say, all of this combined or being factors in with PTSD makes for a very complex and complicated mental health struggle and I have yet more assessments that I should see about accessing. One step at a time, one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.

A Waterfront Adventure with Koa

The other day I made an attempt to walk the Sea Wall. It was nice. I got as far as the bus loop at Stanely Park. Maybe Crab Park is a better plan but this day was a good day.

What Shinanigans Shall We Get Into Today?

I just got Koa this 100 ft long Lead and so I think that with the sun out along with a cool breeze, it might be a perfect time to head out to Crab Park…

The best park in East Van!